Script to direct message a twitter account the exit status of any command.

dmd.rb

#!/usr/bin/env ruby -W0

# First install the twitter gem
# % gem install twitter
#
# Then install this script somewhere in your path 
# and add the follwing to your bashrc or zshrc.
#
# export TWITTER_CONSUMER_KEY=<YOUR KEY>
# export TWITTER_CONSUMER_SECRET=<YOUR SECRET>
# export TWITTER_OAUTH_TOKEN=<YOUR TOKEN>
# export TWITTER_OAUTH_TOKEN_SECRET=<YOUR OAUTH SECRET>
# export TWITTER_DM_USER=<WHO GETS THE DM>
#
# Usage:
# % dmd [command]
#
# Example:
# % dmd sleep 2

%w{rubygems twitter}.each {|l| require l}

command     = ARGV.join(' ')
start_time  = Time.now

puts `#{command}`

end_time    = Time.now
total_time  = "%05.2f" % (end_time - start_time)
status      = $?.to_i > 0 ? 'failed' : 'succeeded'

Twitter::Client.new.post('/1/statuses/update.json', {
  :status => "d #{ENV['TWITTER_DM_USER']} '#{command}' #{status} in #{total_time}s."
})

Sounds like a job for Dead Man's Snitch!