OK. Slightly - slightly - less half-baked thoughts about devops.
At the time of the Agile Manifesto, Agile's big competitor was the Rational Unified Process (RUP). It was a process that was tailorable to any situation. But it required tailoring to any given situation.
The intro to XP Explained was a breath of fresh air because it sharply limited its scope: small teams, requirements in flux. Then it said, prescriptively: such teams should do these N things, learn to do them really well, and leave all the "well, we're special because..." for later.
Devops-in-practice, it seems to this newbie, has zoomed right past the limited scope and "just do this" of XP and even Scrum-of-that-time to the infinite-but-required tailorability of RUP. For example, we're on AWS. Like skazillions of other smallish companies, the potential cost of lockin to AWS is of no concern to us. And yet I have a lot of trouble finding tooling that doesn't want to inflict on me the option of customizing it to N other cloud vendors. That imposes learning and deciding costs on me that I do not want. And that I believe many other people do not want.
AWS itself is so sprawling that it's just as bad for those who stick to its tools. You must learn enough to make choices that benefit you little (but leave the possibility that choosing wrong could have big costs). You really ought to learn enough to be competent to handle N different kinds of operation scenarios - some of them very complicated - in order to safely handle your single simple scenario.
We handle relatively few (measured in the millions per year, not per day), relatively heavyweight transactions. It's a constant struggle (one for which I am ill-prepared) to keep things simple. I think there's an unexploited market niche. An "X is to today's devops as XP was to RUP".
One solution (which we are taking) is to hire a consultant who's deeply experienced in N scenarios - including one like yours - to give you the answers. Perhaps that's the only solution, like this could have been a universe in which the only solution was to hire the RUP consultant to tailor the process to you. I hope that's not the case.
Hmm. It doesn't feel right to say, "X is Heroku", but I'm not sure I can rebut that claim.